Proven Laws

The following are no longer



*1.** **Law of
Mechanical Repair **- *After your hands become coated

with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you’ll have to pee.


2.** **Law of Gravity** **- *Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will

roll to the least accessible corner.*

3.** Law of Probability** **-*The probability of being watched is directly

proportional to the stupidity of your act*

4.** **Law of Random Numbers* – If you dial a wrong number, you never get a

busy signal and someone always answers.*

5.** **Law of the Alibi* *- *If you tell the boss you were late for work

because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat


6.** **Variation Law** **- *If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one
you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every


7.** Law of the Bath* – When the body is fully immersed in water, the

telephone rings.*

8.** Law of Close Encounters** **-*The probability of meeting someone you

know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don’t want to be

seen with.*

9.** Law of the Result** **- *When you try to prove to someone that a

machine won’t work, it will.*

10.** Law of bio mechanics **- *The severity of the itch is inversely

proportional to the reach.*

11..** Law of the Theater and Hockey Arena *- At any event, the people whose

seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last.  They are the ones

who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet

and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over.

The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly

legs or big bellies, and stay to the bitter end of the performance.  The

aisle people also are very surly folk.*

12.** The Coffee Law *- As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your

boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.*

13.** **Murphy’s Law** of Lockers *- If there are only two people in a

locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.*

14.** Law of Physical Surfaces** **- *The chances of an open-faced jelly

sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the

newness and cost of the carpet or rug.*

15.** **Law of Logical Argument** **- *Anything is possible if you don’t

know what you are talking about.*

16.** **Brown’s Law of Physical Appearance** ** **- *If the clothes fit,

they’re ugly.*

17.** **Oliver’s Law of Public Speaking** **- *A closed mouth gathers no


18.** *  *Wilson**’s Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy** ** **-** *As

soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.*

19.** **Doctors’ Law** **- **If you don’t feel well, make an appointment to

go to the doctor, by the time you get there you’ll feel better. But don’t

make an appointment, and you’ll stay sick.*


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