For LEXOPHILES (lovers of words)

1. A bicycle can’t stand alone; it is two tired.
 
2. A will is a dead  giveaway.
 
3. Time flies like an arrow;  fruit flies like a
banana.
 
4. A backward poet writes  inverse.
 
5. A chicken crossing the road:  poultry in
motion.
 
6. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
 
7. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully
recovered.
 
8. You are stuck with your debt if you can’t  budge
it.
 
9. He broke into song because he couldn’t find the
key.
 
10. A calendar’s days are numbered.
 
11. A boiled  egg is hard to beat.
 
12. He had a photographic memory which was never
developed.
 
13. The short fortuneteller who escaped from
prison:  a small medium at large.
 
14. Those who get too big for their britches will be
exposed in the end.
 
15. When you’ve seen  one shopping center you’ve
seen a mall.
 
16. If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine .
 
17. When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she
thought she’d dye.
 
18. Santa’s  helpers are subordinate clauses.
 
19. Acupuncture: a jab well  done.
 
20. Marathon runners with bad shoes suffer the agony
of  de feet.
 
21. The roundest knight at king Arthur’s round table was
Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi..
 
22. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan
island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian ..
 
23. She  was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her
still.
 
24. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra
class because it was a weapon of math disruption.
 
25. No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll
still be stationery.
 
26. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was
cited for  littering.
 
27. Two silk worms had a race.  They ended up in a
tie.
 
28. A hole has been found in the nudist camp
wall.   The police are looking into it.
 
29.  Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
 
30. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger.
Then it hit me.
 
31. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center
said:  ‘Keep off the  Grass.’
 
32. A  small boy swallowed some coins and was taken
to a hospital. When  his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a
nurse said ‘No change  yet.’
 
33. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper
spray  is now a seasoned veteran.