Hickphonics
Southern slang, or “Hickphonics,” as a language is to be taught in all
Southern schools. Here are excerpts from the Hickphonics/ English dictionary:
HEIDI – noun. Greeting.
HIRE YEW – Complete sentence. Remainder of greeting. Usage: “Heidi. Hire yew.”
BARD – verb. Past tense of the infinitive “to borrow.” Usage: “My Brother bard my pickup truck.”
JAWJUH – noun. A state just north of Florida. Capital is Hot-lanta. Usage: ”My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck.”
MUNTS – noun. A calendar division. Usage: “My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I ain’t heared from him in munts.”
FAR – noun. A conflagration. Usage: “If my brother from Jawjuh don’t change the all in my pickup truck, that things gonna catch far.”
BAHS – noun. A supervisor. Usage: “If you don’t stop reading these Southern words and git back to work, your bahs is gonna far you!”
TAR – noun. A tall monument. Usage: “Lord willin’ and the creek don’t rise, I sure do hope to see that Eiffel Tar in Paris sometime.”
RETARD – verb. To stop working. Usage: “My grampaw retard at age 65.”
TARRED – adverb. Exhausted. Usage: “I just flew in from Hot-lanta, and boy my arms are tarred.”
ARE – pronoun. Possessive case of we, used as a predicate adjective.
RHATS – noun. Entitled power or privilege. Usage: “We Southerners are willin’ to fot for are rhats.”
FARN – adjective. Not local. Usage: “I cuddint unnerstand a wurd he sed …must be from some farn country.”
DID – adjective. Not alive. Usage: “He’s did, Jim.”
EAR – noun. A colorless, odorless gas (unless you are in LA). Usage: “He cain’t breathe … give ‘im some ear!”
BOB WAR – noun. A sharp, twisted cable. Usage: “Boy, stay away from that bob war fence.”
JEW HERE – Noun and verb contraction. Usage: “Jew here that my brother from Jawjuh got a job with that bob war fence cump’ny?”
HAZE – contraction. Usage: “Is Bubba smart?” “Nah … haze ignert.”
SEED – verb, past tense. Usage: “I seed how you was.”
GUMMIT – noun. A bureaucratic institution. Usage: “Them gummit boys shore are ignert.”