Windows Southern Edition

Posted on Apr 4, 2011

 

WINDOWS SOUTHERN EDITION

Dear Consumers:

It has come to our attention that a few copies ofthe WINDOWS  SOUTHERN EDITION may have inadvertently been shipped outside the South. If you have one of these, you may need some help understanding the commands. The southern edition may be recognized by the unique opening screen. It reads WINDERS with a background art of Gen.Robert E.Lee superimposed on a Confederate flag.  It is shipped with a Dukes of Hazzard screen saver.

 Please also note:

• The Recycle Bin is labeled “Outhouse”
• My Computer is called “This Dern Contraption”
• Dial up Networking is called “Good Ol’ Boys”
• Control Panel is known as “The Dashboard”
• Hard Drive is referred to as “4 Wheel Drive”
• Floppies are “Them little ol’ plastic disc thangs”
• Instead of an error message, a garbage bag and roll of duct tape pops up.

    

CHANGES IN TERMINOLOGY IN SOUTHERN EDITION

     OK:                   ats aw-right

     Reset:                try er agin

     Yes:                  yep

     No:                   noop

     Find:                 hunt fer it

     Go to:                over yonder

     Back:                 back yonder

     Help:                 hep me out here

     Stop:                 kwitit

     Start:                crank er up

     Settings:             sittins

     Programs:             stuff at duz stuff

     Documents:            stuff I done did

Also note that SOUTHERN EDITION does not recognize capital letters or punctuation marks.

PROGRAMS EXCLUSIVE TO WINDERS     

     tiperiter:             A word processing program

     colerin book:          a graphics program

     cyferin mersheen:      calculator

     outhouse paper:        notepad

     jupe-box:              CD player

     iner-net:              Microsoft Explorer 4.0

     pichers:               A graphics viewer

     irs:                   MS accounting software

     irs2:                  MS accounting software with hidden files

     tax records:           Generally an empty file

     coon dawg:             American Kennel Club records

You’ll also recognize WINDERS SOUTHERN EDITIONas it comes preloaded with certain “Favorites” for browsing the Worldwide Web:

     Fish:                 Bass Anglers Sportsman Society

     NRA:                  National Rifle Association

     Shotgun:              Remington Arms home page

     Riffel:               Winchester home page

     Pisstul:              Smith & Wesson home page

     Truck:                Ford & Chevy dealers by zip code

     House:                Mobile home repair services and movers by zipcode

     Cuzzins:              Complete database of Southern residents

     Bud:                  List of Budweiser distributors by zip code

     Rasin:                NASCAR racing schedule w/TV stations carrying races

     Car ‘n TruckRepair:   Junk yards by zip code

     Doc:                  Veterinarians by zip code

We regret any inconvenience it may have caused if you received a copy of the SOUTHERN EDITION.  You may return it to Microsoft for a replacement version. I hope this helps all of y’all.

Billy Bob Gates