Marriage bliss . . .
Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady
and after the wedding, laid down the following rules:
“I’ll be home when I want, if I want and at what time
I want – and I don’t expect any hassle from you. I
expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell
you. I’ll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and
card-playing when I want with my old buddies and
don’t you give me a hard time about it.
Those are my rules. Any comments?”
His new bride said, “No, that’s fine with me. Just
understand that there’ll be sex here at seven o’clock
every night – whether you’re here or not.”
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of
their 40th wedding anniversary. The husband yells,
“When you die, I’m getting you a headstone that
reads, ‘Here Lies My Wife – Cold As Ever’.”
“Yeah” she replies, “When you die, I’m getting you a
headstone that reads, “Here Lies My Husband – Stiff At
Last.’”
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
A woman and her husband interrupted their vacation to
go to the dentist. “I want a tooth pulled, and I don’t
want any pain killers because I’m in a big hurry,” the
woman said. “Just extract the tooth as quickly as
possible, and we’ll be on our way.”
The dentist was quite impressed. “You’re certainly a
courageous woman,” he said. “Which tooth is it?”
The woman turned to her husband and said, “Show him
your tooth, dear.”
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
A man has six children and is very proud of his
achievement. He is so proud of himself that he starts
calling his wife “Mother of Six” in spite of her
objections. One night they go to a party. The man
decides that it`s time to go home, and wants to find
out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts
at the top of his voice, “Shall we go home Mother of
six?”
His wife, irritated by her husband’s lack of
discretion shouts back. “Anytime you`re ready, Father
of Four!”
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
One doctor husband and his wife are having a fight at
the breakfast table. Husband gets up in a rage and
says, “and you are no good in bed either” and storms
out of the house. After sometime he realizes he was
nasty and decides to make amends and rings her up. She
comes to phone after many rings and the irritated
husband says “what took you so long to answer the
phone”?
She says, “I was in bed”.
“In bed this late, doing what”?
“Getting a second opinion” she says.