“Ways to Annoy Your Public Bathroom Stallmate
1. Stick your open palm under the stall and ask your neighbor, “May I
borrow a highlighter?”
2. Say, “Uh oh, I knew I shouldn’t put my lips on that.”
3. Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise.
4. Say, “Hmmm, I’ve never seen that color before.”
5. Drop a marble and say, “Oh shit! My glass eye!”
6. Say, “Damn, this water is cold.”
7. Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a cantaloupe into the toilet bowl from a high place, then and sigh loudly.
8. Say, “Now how did that get there?”
9. Say, “Humus. Reminds me of humus.”
10. Fill up a large flask with Mountain Dew. Squirt it erratically under the stall walls while yelling, “Whoa! Easy boy!”
11. Say, “Interesting, more sinkers than floaters.”
12. Using a small squeeze tube, spread peaunt butter on a wad of toilet paper and drop it under the stall wall. Then say, “Whoops. Could you kick that back over here, please?”
13. Say, “C’mon Mr. Happy! Don’t fall asleep on me!”
14. Say, “Boy, that sure looks like a maggot.”
15. Say, “Damn, I knew that drain hole was a little too small. Now what am I gonna do?”
16. Play a well-known drum cadence over and over again on your butt
cheeks.
17. Before you unroll toilet paper, conspicuously lay down your “Cross-Dressers Anonymous” newsletter on the floor, making it visible to the occupant of the adjacent stall.
18. Lower a small mirror underneath the stall wall and adjust it so
you can see your neighbor and say, “Peek-a-boo!”
19. Drop a D-cup bra on the floor under the stall wall and sing “Born
Free.”